10 goal thriller but our reporter wants to explain why dog turd used to be white!

Blackpool Men’s 1s 4-6 Brooklands MU Men’s 3s

by Peter Latimer

For millennia questions have been asked about why things that are one colour change their colour to something else. I am not talking about the animal kingdom where it was a necessity for survival, I am talking about more mundane, inanimate items like chocolate, crisps and 1970’s dog turd. For those of you that don’t know the answers to these questions, pull up a chair, make yourself comfortable because I’m going to tell you why these questions have baffled science for centuries.

1. Chocolate if you leave it in the packet too long develops a white powdery substance on the outside that the uninitiated think is mould. It is not mould, it is in fact a reaction between the sugar and milk powder oxidising on the surface. It is completely harmless and can be wiped off or just eaten.

2. Crisps that should be a beautiful golden colour sometimes are green around the edges. Contrary to popular belief the fabled green crisp will not kill you or give you cancer. It is actually caused by the potato being exposed to sunlight during storage. The potato starts to grow shoots but before this chlorophyll is released which makes parts of it go green. It is completely non toxic and does not impair the flavour of the crisp. The same is true of green chips.

3. For those of you who are old enough to remember, in the 1970’s during each summer the faecal matter produced by dogs used to turn from brown to white over several weeks. This anomaly no longer happens as dog food in the 70’s was fortified with bone meal. This bone meal was not properly digested and as the stool dried in the long glorious summers of my youth the poo would turn white. In turning white it made it far easier to see on the pavement and any school boy knew it was of the correct consistency to kick at fellow pupils without exploding on the kicker’s shoe.

All this leads me to ask why Blackpool change their colour every now and again. Everyone knows Blackpool are tangerine and do not play in any other colour, but their game does have a colour. They are not yellow as they never roll over and give up, but sometimes it takes a good team, playing good hockey to bring out the best in them. I have said many, many times that Blackpool can not push on against week teams, they may score 4 or 5 but never 9, 10 or 11. They are just not ruthless enough. When they play good teams they raise their collective game and play at a higher level. Saturday against Brooklands was one such game. Even though they lost the game it was never really over until the final whistle. Blackpool fought for everything and never dropped their tempo. Why they can not play like this every week against poorer sides is a question beyond this simple hack. You could argue that the people playing in certain positions made the team play better? You could say that Blackpool had nothing to lose against the second best team in the league?

Blackpool do change colour and it is a credit to them, but they must be able to change colour every match. There are too many bland performances. Every now and again you need to see that mouldy chocolate and the green crisps to know things are as they should be. But to be absolutely brilliant Blackpool needs to turn dog turd white again.

Squad – Blakemore, Woodman, Gettings, Wright, Morrow L, Ashfield, Morrow K, Pasqualino, Boniface, Whitley, Morgan, Mortimer, Chadwick. MoM – Morrow L.

© Kieron Morrow 13/03/06

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